I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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