Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
