i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
