I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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