When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
