yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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