we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
