I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
