absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
