My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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