dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
