It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
