what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
