I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
