I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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