I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
