i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
