woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
