I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
