Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
