I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
