Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
