tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
