you would pick up someone in the library
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
