$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
