there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
