i would punch a child for taco bell
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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