The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
