Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
