I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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