Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
