worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
