a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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