If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
