3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
