if you like me you must not know who I am
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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