I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just cropdusted the office
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
