I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize