Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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