nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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