The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
