why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
