You can't special order awesome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
