she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Randomize
