Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
