My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize