I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize