Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
