So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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