Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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