We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
