Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
