Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
