can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize