she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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