I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
