so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
