I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
