I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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