Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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