We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You have to summon your inner elephant
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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