I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
