So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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