she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
