I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm gonna have a badass scar
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
