you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
either way he was missing a nipple.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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