he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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