You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize