So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
