Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
